We’re all you – Ryan Shellenberger

We’re all you

total dark over-
the porch with a cig
in my hand: the rain pattering my hood a plane
roaring overhead the thought of you
in my bed

like Buddha made sense again and my feet
on the deck reminded me
by losing me  floating
        in my head
with everything going on coming
to nothing  and i can’t make sense of it
in words  everything colliding
while forgetting;
        not forgotten
the emotions they are

covering the whole

i knew i lost it too  i
broke it, i think…cigarette hole in
my blanket
that was the action, not

        the thought
it’s lost
the darker black  the ember
crisped my lashes  my blink
noticing
the rainfall changed

not the constant
while thinking,
i breathed myself back
feet standing still through time
grounded on the deck
before i moved…i could still
        the roar
into non-hearing  the constant flow
moving through that never ceases
stops acting

the spliff connects
inside and out
it can feel vibrations
quiet or loud
and as
long as you don’t lose that
you
can walk, use your arm to drag
        the rain staying long this time
the thought of you total dark
never far.

Ryan Shellenberger